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By Jin Yu-young
In the past, for women in their 20s and 30s, finding a suitable husband was considered a higher priority than having a career.
Although this trend has been changing as more and more women are putting their careers ahead of seeking a family, according to Mariko Yamauchi, gender roles are still relatively the same in a domestic relationship in which a woman is expected to take care of most or even all of the housework.
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| "Who Wants to do the Dishes" by Mariko Yamauchi |
In her book "Who Wants to do the Dishes," Yamauchi honestly outlines the challenges of being a woman in a relationship from living with her boyfriend for three years to becoming a wife. The book was recently translated into Korean by Hwang Hye-suk.
The author expresses her frustrations on the unfair proportion of housework she does in her house.
Every day she is expected to not only cook and clean, but also to do so without complaint. "For a couple who is paying equally for living costs," she says, "it should be a given that both parties also contribute equally to the household chores."
She even mentions the judgment women receive if they are unable to perform such tasks where those who are unable to please their husbands are viewed as lesser women.
Yamauchi also mentions the struggles of being constantly exposed to a live-in partner.
After a certain point, you and your partner start picking up on each other's bad habits and the compliments between you become less frequent.
Another hurdle for couples living together is the decline in quality time: living together decreases the effort put into going out into public and creating special memories together.
After years of living with her then-boyfriend now-husband, Yamauchi reveals that after much cooperation, the two have finally found a sort of balance and partnership that allows their marriage to work.
Her husband is also given an opportunity to voice his honest opinions about their relationship.
"There are some couples out there who are able to love and give unconditionally. We are not one of those couples, and we both know it," he says.
Through this book, he hopes readers will gain insight into a marriage that, despite its obstacles, ultimately operates on teamwork.
Likewise, Yamauchi acknowledges her imperfections and does not seek to antagonize her husband, but rather, hopes that this book will serve as a catalyst into bringing about a change in attitudes towards gender roles. "If we want to change the world," she says, "it must start within the home." In a raw and open account about the trials of marriage, she makes it possible for couples to overcome their differences and improve their relationships.
Jin Yu-young is a Korea Times intern.
