I'm in the U.S. now. I was born in Gwangju in Korea and lived there for almost 25 years. I came to this country as I was selected to participate in the Round 15 WEST Program.
Staying in the U.S. may not sound special to some because countless Koreans are stepping on this land for various reasons at every moment. For me, however, it's a historic achievement to learn English and have internship opportunities at U.S. companies. Applying for this special program, I started working at a café seven days a week to save money. Luckily, I received a considerable amount of financial support from the Korean government. On July 15, I took a plane to the world's most powerful country. I used to consider it impossible to get there in my 20s.
More than one month has passed since I arrived in Chicago, Ill. Staying away from my country reminded me of an experience about which I am ashamed. About three years ago, I‘d failed to adapt myself to another country and came back to Korea in 10 days. I was 22 years old. This time, however, I am getting used to the way of surviving in the U.S.
Things are quite different from what I expected before arriving in the “Windy City.” Let me tell you some examples. I am sharing a house with three American girls, which sounds amazing! However, they don't talk with each other at all. I expected a welcoming party for me, to be honest. Taxes or tips are added to every price tag, which makes it difficult for me to guess exactly how much I should pay for things. It is too cold inside every building, so I have to pick up things to buy quickly to get out of freezing supermarkets. I have to pay an additional $80 for my rent from September, about which I was not previously warned. My landlord told me that it would take only 30 minutes by subway from my place to downtown Chicago when I contacted her in Korea. It actually takes about one hour by express train. Still, I am not used to the various accents and pronunciations of African-Americans, Hispanic-Americans and students from Saudi Arabia, Spain, and so on.
Above all, misunderstandings and miscommunication depress me the most. One day I visited a restaurant and ordered a sandwich. As I had to choose all ingredients to fill my sandwich, the staffer asked me, “What kind of bread?” How simple that sentence is! I didn't understand it, however, as the Indian-American spoke so fast. She asked me the same question again. I finally understood it, feeling ashamed. She asked me, “Any chips or drinks?” next. I didn't hear it again. She asked me again. In Korea, I read and even understood world-famous and complicated novels, essays, poems and newspapers written in English. They were helpful for understanding the language, history, humans and the world. However, they didn't teach me at all how to order a sandwich in the U.S.
In 2012, I came back to Korea from Australia after 10 days. That's because I was afraid of asking again, and ashamed of myself for not understanding simple English expressions despite the long years I had devoted to studying English. Six months of preparation turned out to be useless in 10 days. Still, I feel afraid, ashamed and even depressed. At the same time, however, I feel like I'm getting better every day. I'm getting used to taking trains and buses. I'm getting used to using Google Maps. I'm getting used to going to restaurants. I'm getting used to spending about two hours on the train every day. I often jog along beautiful Lake Michigan like many Americans. I feel less nervous whenever I ask someone, “How are you?” or tell others, “Have a nice day.” I'm gradually getting used to things about which I used to feel awkward in Korea.
The day before I came back to Korea in 2012, I wrote in my journal: “Things in Australia are totally different from what I imagined through all the romantic movies and fantasy books. I'm just an Asian girl who doesn't speak English well or have confidence at all. There's no place for me here. I'd better go back home.” The next day I purchased a one-way ticket to Korea with my credit card. A few days ago, I wrote in my new journals: “Things in the United States are quite different from what I expected. Still, I have difficulty opening up my mind and making foreign friends (and a boyfriend). I'm just an Asian girl whose English is so-so. However, I'm getting better day by day. I'm getting used to things around me slowly but for surely.”
It's time to keep in mind that I came to the U.S. to “make mistakes” and “confront mistakes.” By doing that, I'm making gradual changes every day. In that regard, I should not underestimate all my small and trivial achievements that I have made in this country. Countless mistakes and gradual changes are the very beginning of big achievements that I'll have been making by the end of the WEST program. Chin up and go out to “make mistakes!”
The writer is a student majoring in English and literature at Chonnam National University and participating in the Round 15 WEST program. Her email address is victoria.suhan@gmail.com.