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I am a teacher, here in Seoul. I have lived here, on and off, since 2004. This needs to be said frankly and heard by Korean parents.
It is time to start teaching your children to respect each other and show basic manners when interacting with each other and their teachers. I am writing directly to parents who, if you are honest with yourselves, focus on one thing only, with regard to your kids: getting good test scores.
Everything else is far down the list of priorities. You push your kids so ridiculously hard, from shockingly young ages that basic social skills, manners and respect are completely forgotten. Get this straight, schools are not and cannot be responsible for teaching these behaviors.
Though you would like to pass the buck and put it all on the teachers, this does not work. Kids learn to behave from their parents. When kids throw trash on the floor of their classrooms and hallways, it is because parents are not teaching kids that their mess is theirs to clean up. When kids literally walk into each other and push each other aside to get where they're going, it is because they see their elders doing it.
When they pretend to show respect by bowing and saying "yes" to teachers then continue to do the same actions immediately after, this is due to poor parenting and a lack of true respect. Yes, I am telling you all that you are not parenting your children well. Get angry all you like. Call me names. Tell me I'm a foreigner and I should mind my own business. Sticks and stones. Look around you.
Are basic human courtesies being followed by those around you? Do people say "excuse me" when bumped into? Do you? Or do they check to see how old the other person is before deciding if they NEED to say something? Do people wait to talk to someone if they are in conversation already or just start speaking with no regard? Do you? Do people clean up after themselves or throw cigarettes and wrappers in trash bins? Do you? Besides the staff at Starbucks, does anyone speak respectfully to each other or even acknowledge each other? Do you? Speaking of coffee shops, do people use just one table in a crowded shop or take two, when one would suffice? Do you? Let's take it one step further. Do people EVER smile at someone they don't know or say "hi," or have a conversation? Do you? No? Why not?
Maybe it's because no one taught you that you live on this planet with other people who have a right to their space and their comfort as much as you do. We are humans and we thrive by being social and interacting positively with each other. Korean culture is drowning in a sea of rudeness and self-centeredness. Basic courtesies are necessary for the happiness of all and you have either forgotten or have never been taught this.
After you get over your ego and the anger at being told you are parenting poorly, take a breath and ask yourselves honestly: Are you teaching your kids basic respect for one another and common politeness? Would it take too much time and effort, before or after you stress them out over test scores, to instill some basic empathy and niceness? Would Korea be a happier place if you did?
The writer is an American English teacher in Seoul. His email address is aaron.frost@rocketmail.com.
