Preparing for a mission retreat program, I looked for several authors and finally met Leo Tolstoy (1828-1910) in spirit.

In his works such as "War and Peace," "Anna Karenina," "A Confession," and "On Life" as well as many stories including "Martin the Cobbler" and "The Death of Ivan Ilyich," I found that he sincerely dealt with the theme of death and life. Especially "The Death of Ivan Ilyich," which describes realistically the events leading up to and after a main character's death.

For Tolstoy, the meaning of life is naturally provided by the inevitability of death. Inspired by his intuition on mortality, he reflected on how to live and what to do.

Throughout his life, he pondered on the meaning of death: What is eternal in the face of death? How to live so as to overcome fear of death? What can we know in the face of death? The early deaths of his parents, the deaths of his two brothers, and his participation in wars might have inspired him to reflect on death.

While pondering on death, he was eager to reflect on the true meaning of life as well. Therefore, he often asked himself some fundamental questions about life: What principles do people live by? What is at the core of humanity? What are the limits of being human? What is the true value of life?

Especially after his 50s, he believed that experiencing suffering and reflecting on the self is necessary to grow.

As a result of his perennial questions about life and death, he drew three important conclusions: First, the most important time is the present. Second, the most precious person is the one near me. Third, the most important thing is to do good for that person.

"What Men Live by" deals with the fundamental question of how to live. The angel in this story said: "I have learned that all men live not by care for themselves but by love … I remained alive … because he and his wife pitied and loved me … It is love alone by which they live. He who has love is in God, and God is in him, for God is love."

We came into being to do our best for the people we encounter every moment. Living every moment to the fullest and doing our best here and now, we are naturally inspired to prepare for the holy death.

We do not know when death will come to us. We just live in the present moment to the fullest while remembering death. "Memento mori!"

In my life, two critical moments made me deeply ponder life and death. Once, when I graduated from high school, I thought about death, but that reflection led me to a new beginning. Another critical moment was when the whole world was slammed by the COVID-19 pandemic. At this time, again, I concentrated on living every moment to the fullest.

It is much easier to live to the fullest when we are happy, joyful and healthy. The problem is when we are facing challenges. How can we live to the fullest in the midst of conflicts and difficulties? As Tolstoy affirmed, the only answer is living here and now with love and prayers. Everything beyond the present moment depends on the providence of God.

The author is a member of the Daughters of St. Paul. Please feel free to visit her blog "A piece of sunshine" at mtorchid88.blogspot.com.