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The resentment trap

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By Jason Lim

In his talk, "Inequality and hierarchy give life its purpose," Jordan Peterson asserts that hierarchy is a state that allows people to set goals so that they can climb up to the next rung in the system. Further, hierarchy is necessarily unequal since you can't have an upper-trajectory achievement journey unless there is inherent inequality between one achievement milestone and another. As an analogy, ladders can only exist if there are gaps in between the rungs.

Peterson goes on to define the "resentment trap" as a state where you compare what you've accomplished in life against someone who has achieved more. Resentment arises as a result of the perception of that achievement difference, regardless of how each one of you arrived at your respective places.

What's intriguing about Peterson's resentment trap is that it sounds awfully similar to the "duhkha" that Buddha described as the normal state of our being. Usually translated as "suffering," I actually prefer the term "dissatisfaction" as being a more accurate representation of what Buddha was referring to. Whatever the term, we all suffer from this state. We are never satisfied with our current state of life, whether that's status, security, power, authority, wealth and so on. We are never satisfied because we are constantly comparing ourselves to others who seem to be better off than we are. This is what Peterson is talking about when he asserts that inequality and hierarchy are actually good because it gives us what to shoot for ― which imparts a sense of purpose in our lives. Unfortunately, however, the price of purpose is constant dissatisfaction.

This is what Peterson calls the resentment trap. As a prescription, Peterson urges that you only compare yourself against yourself, basically measuring your progress against the current baseline of your own achievements. The target of your comparison, therefore, would be the future-you that you define as having achievements and accompanying attributes that you want to work towards.

But what's fun about that? How many of us have the mental discipline to stop comparing ourselves to those better off and strictly set our goals and progress against some imagined future-me? Also, we are very anthropomorphic, meaning that we imbue a future aspiration or goal with the human face of someone who has gotten there already. No kid ever says, "I want to be able to hit 330 batting average and 670 on base percentage…" Kids will say, "I want to be like Babe Ruth." Also, what single guy says, "In five years, I would like to be able to date women who are 1.27x more attractive and 2.2x more often than who I am dating today?" It's more like, "Dude, I would love to be Brad Pitt!"

So, duhkha and resentment trap seem to be an inherent part of the human condition. Or more accurately, part of the human flaw that compels us to always look around and compare ourselves against those who are better off. The wiser of us would work diligently to close that gap while the rest of us will devolve into resentment, anger, and anxiety yearning to be them without making any concerted effort. But even the wiser ones who get to the next rung of the ladder, there is always another rung to climb in this never-ending ladder. It naturally follows that the "inequality and hierarchy give life its purpose" is exactly the cause of life's suffering.

Peterson's prescription, to me, seems to be destined to failure. He's trying to solve the problem within the problem. You can't subscribe to the system of values but try to address the negative side effects of the same system by doing something that really isn't natural or instinctive to human beings. In other words, you can't thrive within a system that creates purpose via a sense of desire to be richer, prettier, healthier, etc. but… than who? Yourself only? There is definitely an internal contradiction with the system of inequality and hierarchy that you can't resolve unless you step out of the system altogether.

I think that's the conclusion that Buddha came to. He diagnosed the human condition as a state of constant dissatisfaction based on our need to compare ourselves to our betters and the accompanying desire to get to that "better" place. This was the "habit" that had been ingrained in us even before we became conscious. Unlike Peterson, Buddha's prescription was "enlightenment" in which we intentionally and deliberately step out of this system of endless cravings. Our life's purpose is no longer dependent upon the system of inequality and hierarchy. It's the converse. Our purpose lies in our aspiration to liberate ourselves from this system. That's true freedom and road to genuine happiness.

To do so, however, we have to train our minds to be ever watchful against our own instincts to step back into the system of inequality and hierarchy. To wean ourselves off from our ingrained habit of assigning values to our own lives based on comparing ourselves to others. That's the price of freedom and happiness. Constant vigilance against yourself.


Jason Lim (jasonlim@msn.com) is a Washington, D.C.-based expert on innovation, leadership and organizational culture.





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