| Songmi Han delivers a speech at the 15th Geneva Summit for Human Rights and Democracy on May 17, in Geneva. Courtesy of Casey Lartigue |
By Songmi Han
My mom gave me two lives. First, when she gave birth to me in 1993. Second, when she rescued me from North Korea in 2011. If there's a hero in my story, it's her. North Korea might be the worst place on earth to raise a child, but North Korean mothers are brave and they will do anything they can to save their children.
My name is Songmi Han. I was born in rural North Korea to an affluent family, but when I was 3 years old, my father started beating my mom. Finally, she divorced him ― and I ended up attending elementary school for only one year. We lived in a barn with cows for two years. But I have fond memories of that time because I developed such a deep relationship with my mom.
Two days before my twelfth birthday, my mom said she had to leave but she'd be back by October 10th. She wrote down a multiplication table for me to memorize. I studied hard, but October 10th came and went. I started to panic. Where was she?
I stayed at my auntie's house. When I heard a train approaching, I would run to the station asking strangers, “Have you seen a lady who looks like this?” I wasn't the only one ― the train stations were filled with homeless children. Many couldn't even recall their mother's face.
Eventually, Mom sent us a letter ― just wait a little longer, she would return to me, she said.
So I waited. But life in North Korea was miserable. My grandfather starved to death. One of my uncles starved to death. Another uncle threw himself in front of a train. I would walk down the street and see dead children and dead adults. Many times, I was on the verge of starvation and I considered suicide.
Three different times my mom sent brokers to rescue me. But my aunt warned me that I could get sold in China, or they could harvest my organs. So, I stayed.
When I was 15 years old, I saw my first public execution. They forced everyone in our area, including the woman's husband and 4-year-old daughter, to watch as they tied her up and shot her three times. I will never forget hearing the gunshots and watching her tumble forward. I was so, so scared.
When I was 17, I remember thinking, “I just don't have a future in North Korea. And I really miss my mom.” I had memorized the phone number of the second broker my mom sent years before, so I called him and whispered, “I'm ready to go there.” He asked, “Are you sure this time?” I said, “Yes.”
I couldn't tell anyone.
The broker wouldn't let me sit with him on the train. I was so scared. Then, a guard checking IDs asked me, “Where are you going?” I lied and told him I was visiting my grandma in Hyesan. “No, you're not,” he said, “I know you're going to China!” He started beating and kicking me. Then he took me to the police office in the train station and a different guard tried to rape me. I pushed him away and ran until I saw a group of soldiers. “Please help me! He's trying to do strange things!”
They scared the guard away.
I asked a soldier if I could have some money to call my grandma. I ran to a payphone and called the broker. This time, we made it to the border. I followed two smugglers across the freezing cold water of the Tumen River. The guards shot at us, but luckily, they missed and we made it to China.
The next morning, the broker called my mom. I was so happy. I thought I would get to see her for the first time in six years! But she said she was in South Korea. I followed the brokers through China, Laos and Thailand, and arrived in South Korea on May 20th, 2011, my mom's birthday.
Reuniting with my mom was the happiest moment of my entire life. I couldn't stop crying. But my mom was confused! “Are you sure you're my daughter? You're so short!” she said. My aunt had told her that I had grown tall.
It's taken me years to start healing from a lifetime of trauma. As I was preparing to give this speech, my mom showed me her diary. On August 26, 2006, my mom sold herself as a wife to a Chinese man and then she ran away to South Korea, so she could work and save money to rescue me.
I hope North Korean children waiting for their moms can hear this. They need to know they're in their mother's heart forever and they will do anything they can to save them from this horrible regime. I tell my mom all the time, “Thank you so much, Mom. You are so brave!” And my mom tells me, “No, Songmi. You're brave. I'm so proud of you.”
The writer delivered this speech at the 15th Geneva Summit for Human Rights and Democracy on May 17, 2023. She is co-author with Casey Lartigue of her memoir “Greenlight to Freedom: A North Korean Daughter's Search for Her Mother and Herself.”